Survey Time!

This week I was lucky enough to stumble upon a small survey by Teaching Tolerance. Immediately, I decided that this would be a perfect survey for you, my audience, to understand exactly what I believe about the topic at hand.

1. Do you think bullying is a serious problem in your school or community? Why or why not?
I believe that to be true, not only in my community, but in every community. Bullying affects every age/gender group, every race, and every social class. It twists what the victim feels and how they look at life, while the act of hurting another does no good to the person inflicting such pain. In the order our world has naturally set up the term bullying is seen as a necessary evil. The result is a downfall of a large percent of people, does that seem to aid society as a whole? No? Then it's ongoing existence can be identified as a serious problem.

2. How do you think bullies feel when they demean someone else?
They feel temporarily empowered, then they turn to what guilt they have and on various occasions make themselves feel worse. I can say this without doubt because at times I am a bully, as are you, as is the last person you spoke to. We all are, the only difference between people is some strive to hurt others or are unaware versus those who wish to correct what they have wrongly done. This temporary strength is like a high, it's addictive.

3. Do you think it’s possible to make a bully understand other people’s feelings? Why or why not?
Yes, I believe that it is easily possible to make them understand. That doesn't mean that you can make them Cate about others or what they feel. To understand a person's feelings is quite simple actually, our generation has gotten exceptionally good at placing ourselves mentally in another's situation. 

4. How do adults in your school or community address bullying? Have you seen adults look the other way?
In my school and community I have seen many adults look away, especially in my school since it is such a small social sphere. The atmosphere, they believe, will address any problems that may arise (such as bullying). There has been a change in this in the past few years. Certain teachers or figures of authority will take a stance. The truth is that it is rarely enforced to the extent it needs to be or for a long enough duration to make an impact. 

5. What kind of interventions can young people use to prevent or stop bullying? List three things you could do to defuse a bullying situation.
There are 3 types of ways to defuse the situation. One may either take a direct approach while the bullying is going on, alert an adult and stay out of said situation, or after a scene of bullying meet and acquaint oneself with the person being bullied. All three of these things can change the expected outcome, just depending on what exactly is going on. 

6. Do you think you’ve ever bullied someone? if so, what made you stop? What made you want to bully someone again?
Yes, of course I have bullied someone. We are human, we have a natural incline toward it. In my case I just don't think about other's feelings or the results of my actions. I keep in mind thoughts that will hurt others and make mental notes of  what I can no longer say and do as well  as what I can say to make a person's day brighter.

7. Did any of the facts in the quiz concern you personally? Which ones?
Personally, I am concerned with #4. When reviewing my experience in high school I noticed that  our school is modest in the amount of violence the occurs, yet the lack if watchful eye is discouraging.. yet I have absolutely no idea how to encourage those older than me to get involved with what they see, not only discipline but also with those that have been hurt over and over.

8. After taking the quiz, are there behaviors or experiences you have had that you want to change? Describe your feelings, what you might want to change, and how you could go about making that change.
Yes, I know that my selfishness is a behavior I need to rid myself of, in addition to rudeness and most of all, sarcasm. It is unnecessary and causes pain that cannot be taken back. I feel guilty afterward and I know that it is not how God wishes for me to treat my brotherers and sisters. To do so I must put in a lot of effort, meaning it won't be a sudden change, rather a goal that is always changing and increasing.


Feel free to comment about my answers or post you own responses.
Love,
Shannon

"There aren't any bullies here."

This lie bothers me so much. This is a true story I am about to share, that happened not so long ago...

In chapel, one student spoke about the bullies that are at our school briefly, followed by a student reflecting on her past experiences with bullies, along with family and forgiveness. To me, it was heartbreaking. She spoke with such fear and pain in her words that I could see how deeply cut they had left her. A fellow student then took the opportunity to...'revoke' what they had shared.
"There aren't any bullies here." he laughed off with a smile. Was he seriously saying that?
"Oh, I think there are." I quietly said, still focused on the second speakers words and the passion with which she spoke.
His face went blank, he lost all hints of lightness in his tone. "What?" but he quickly regained them, "I guess I'm one of them then." his laugh came back and all seriousness left as quickly as it arrived.

Why did that conversation stick with me as strongly as it did? Still to this day I'm trying to figure out why the lack of recognition of reality bothers me so much. A month or so after our conversation, if you could call it that, this incident occurred...

A friend of mine came to me, telling me that she was in need of help. She knew a girl, she wouldn't tell me who, that was being bullied. This girl had said she was being picked on, verbally abused, and socially outcast.

This type of situation bothers me greatly; when you see someone who looks sad, they are all alone, and don't seem to be enjoying life, why are none of my Christian brothers and sisters going out and greeting them with the love of the Lord? I have to admit there are times that I will walk past someone the Lord is pulling me to, but not a single person will even try? Thank you to my friend who is trying to make it right in that girl's life. To those of you who are Christian, or even to those who have a moral compass, who care about other people, I want all of us to get out there and try this. Just go up to someone you have never met before, try to genuinely become friends, and if they react badly just remind them they can always go to you in times of need.

Thank you for allowing me to put my story out there, I love every single one of you reading this (more than you probably will believe).
Shannon

The Dartboard Effect

People are dartboards.

We throw sharp words at others. We need the get out our anger, throw darts to express our pain, we need to release the demon built up inside us. Or we could just be having fun with friends, not even noticing how much damage we are causing to the little piece of helpless cork. That's the thing, a dartboard is made of cork. Once you hit the board, that mark is left forever, you can't take it back. You can pull the dart out, but the evidence of the throw is still there. Once the board has enough holes you move on tho another, who cares? It's just a dartboard right?

Bullies aim, fire, and hit. Over and over and over, the marks increase and the person is less and less valuable in their own eyes. Their condition mentally degrades, most people will feel less and less usable and wanted or even needed as verbal or physical wounds are created. You can choose not to throw the dart at all. That is all up to to the one who holds the dart. Like I have said previously we all have the ability to chuck the darts, because we have an unlimited supply. It's a game we don't have to play.

You can't help who is playing the game, but you can change the amount of darts thrown at you. Did you know you have the power to make darts miss? When a person throws a dart in a game they will never say they are to blame. Something distracted them, the wind took control, or the dart was faulty. If you aren't being bullied you are supposed to be the reason that someone needs to make those excuses. You are there for the person in need and therefore the darts can't hit. If you are being bullied you can keep the darts off too. Don't let them stick, don't listen to harsh words and take them to heart, that isn't you, it's what others want you to be for their enjoyment. Be the one that no one even aims at because there is something about it that 'no one can hit it'.

Most don't know this, but dartboards can be repaired. It takes time and careful work, love and genuine appreciation from others, but it can be done. One day can start the seal of long-aged wounds. The actual hurt will always be there, but you can keep going. You aren't broken. A fresh set of colors and you can't even tell that something was ever wrong.You don't have to worry about others looking at you specially for damage others have caused you. Let them look at you how you want to be seen, wonderful, important, loving, because you are those things.

I would love feedback on my blog, my postings, and bullying in general. If you have a story you can send it to me, or if you just want my advice I am here as well. I'm not credentialed or specially trained but sometimes it's just the people who really care that can help the most.
I love each and every one of you reading this and all the ones who aren't too. I love you more than words can mean. Thank you for taking your time to read this blog, have a wonderful day, and if it's not so wonderful just (trust me here) shake it out. Arms, legs, body, the whole deal. Just get a glass of water and keep going.
Love, Shannon