You Don't Know Them

They call her an idiot. Make jokes about her killing herself. Scoff at all of her achievements, no matter how big. They laugh at her behind her back. Even straight to her face. She's surrounded by anger and mockery; pain consumes her. No matter who stands by her side, she repeatedly falls victim to her own thoughts of just not being good enough. No words of encouragement even make it to her ears. She can't break free, she doesn't belong.

I'm ready to lose her, I know she seeks freedom. I can't force her to stay here, to enjoy life. I don't want her to, but now I know what it will mean, how people will approach me differently, how I will have to continually spend nights missing her. I understand. It is still not ok.

Already, I have been left behind. She is here still, but not really, not even a majority of the time. She is still joked about even though ninety percent of her is dead. You didn't know the girl I used to know. You don't know anything about this girl. She's not acting, she's in pain. Don't apologize to me for being her friend as you call her crazy, I love her. She may be mentally troubled, but that gives you NO right to call her that without knowing her story. If I had gone through the same trials I might be just as crazy as her, who knows?

I watch as they all hurt themselves, not able to jump the hurdles. Stumbling, falling, I try to catch them, but I can't catch them all. Finally I have figured it out, I'm not supposed to catch them, they need to fall on their face until they get it right. I'm just supposed to help them back up.

When it really ends, the pain, the fear, the hospital visits, the long nights of crying, the endless texts and calls to anyone who can temporarily sooth her emotions, will disappear. I, for a short period, will go too. Everything my life was built upon making better will have just drowned in itself.

Once she is gone everyone cares, no one realized where she was in life. That she had been ready to end it, that she wanted nothing more than to disappear. Now is the time to put on sad masks for a short while. The mourners can all join together, real and fake.

Blood covered, scarred, broken. Tell me you see it. Make me believe that when you let the words come out of your mouth you aren't just wanting to see them in more pain. Please show me that you know what you are doing.

That's right, you don't know them.

Sincerely,
                   Words of those left behind

Statistic Overload

Bullying statistics:

• About 42 percent of kids have been bullied while online with one in four being verbally attacked more than once.

• About 35 percent of kids have been threatened online.

• About 58 percent of kids and teens have reported that something mean has been said about them or to them online.

• Other bullying statistics show that about 77 percent of students have admitted to being the victim of one type of bullying or another.

• The American Justice Department bullying statistics show that one out of ever 4 kids will be bullied sometime throughout their adolescence. 

• 46 percent of males followed by 26 percent of females have admitted to being victims in physical fights as reported in one report of bullying statistics by the Bureau of Justice School.

Other bullying statistics:

• Over half, about 56 percent, of all students have witnesses a bullying crime take place while at school.
• A reported 15 percent of all students who don't show up for school report it to being out of fear of being bullied while at school.
• There are about 71 percent of students that report bullying as an on-going problem.
• Along that same vein, about one out of every 10 students drops out or changes schools because of repeated bullying.
• One out of every 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school.
• Some of the top years for bullying include 4th through 8th graders in which 90 percent were reported as victims of some kind of bullying.
• Other recent bullying statistics reveal that 54 percent of students reported that witnessing physical abuse at home can lead to violence in school. 
• Among students of all ages, homicide perpetrators were found to be twice as likely as homicide victims to have been bullied previously by their peers.
• There are about 282,000 students that are reportedly attacked in high schools throughout the nation each month. 

These are the statistics. Are you ok with them? Can you put that into perspective?

I cannot prove my statistics, they stand on their own reliability; the idea, is the important part. Even if the most bully-filled schools were surveyed, there would still be bullies within these schools. To me it doesn't matter what the statistics are, the reality is they can be dropped. You can have a hand in this, whether it be through kind words, telling a teacher, or standing up to a bully directly, you can help. Yes, it can be life changing, possibly even life saving. Don't be afraid, love is all that we live for. Whether you believe we were created only because of love or not, you can blatantly see that showing kindness, care, respect, and love to one another creates a more joyful society. Let's work together to beat these odds!
Love, Shannon
P.S. Any comments are welcome as well as stories of obstacles you have overcome or even struggles you are working through right now!

One Person at a time...Meghan McCain

This is Meghan McCain. Yes, she is Senator McCain's daughter. Her political position means nothing to this blog. Her views and life story, however, are exactly what you will be learning about today.

Meghan as a child was ridiculed for weight. With children it is understandable, but when a grown woman mocks another because of their size, it's no wonder that I don't believe maturity and age do not correlate. This is all too familiar to a teenager in high school. How does this help though? Look at how she handles it, look at what pain she must feel because of her involvement in press. Yet she is strong. Can we not fight with the same resilience in our daily battles with bullies?

McCain is a perfect example for another one of my beliefs. I sometimes wonder if bullies that victimize to numb their pain check to see what strength, passion, and pain there is in someone's eyes. Meghan was known to have had some bumps in the road during her life that are just unsuitable for the goodness of human nature, a calling card to any type of bully. I love when bullies go after these people that have dealt internally with their faults already. They fail, miserably. You cannot expect to get joy from being shot of your high horse while attempting to trample someone who is holding a shotgun.

This is a short piece from Meghan's TV show 'Raising McCain' on Pivot. clip holds importance, at least to me, because their testimonies hit so close to home for so many people. Did you listen to each of their stories? How they were personally antagonized for being themselves? I made this blog because I love people, I want there to be hope for those that live in the darkest places. That video is the epitome of hope. I'm not comparing myself to McCain, but I am proud that we both see that we are in a tunnel, not a sealed box.

When you feel like giving up, don't. Situations change so quickly that what you think is worth dying over today could just be a bad memory in a week. Stay positive, stay strong. The bullies may not go away, but you will grow to be stronger than them. People ask how to handle bullies, but the real question is how do you make oneself less angered or in pain, as well as how do I stopping getting in places that directly enable oneself to be hurt.

I have noticed that I put a moderate amount of questions on my blog. It is natural for me, the voice in my head is shown through the questions. Are they helpful for you though? (Yet another question...) This blog is not just to improve my writing skills, it is to provide a informational source that hopefully appeals to your emotions and thoughts. Maybe I am failing miserably at that, but I want to know what you think, so feel free to comment as always.
Thank you and I love you,
Shannon

Survey Time!

This week I was lucky enough to stumble upon a small survey by Teaching Tolerance. Immediately, I decided that this would be a perfect survey for you, my audience, to understand exactly what I believe about the topic at hand.

1. Do you think bullying is a serious problem in your school or community? Why or why not?
I believe that to be true, not only in my community, but in every community. Bullying affects every age/gender group, every race, and every social class. It twists what the victim feels and how they look at life, while the act of hurting another does no good to the person inflicting such pain. In the order our world has naturally set up the term bullying is seen as a necessary evil. The result is a downfall of a large percent of people, does that seem to aid society as a whole? No? Then it's ongoing existence can be identified as a serious problem.

2. How do you think bullies feel when they demean someone else?
They feel temporarily empowered, then they turn to what guilt they have and on various occasions make themselves feel worse. I can say this without doubt because at times I am a bully, as are you, as is the last person you spoke to. We all are, the only difference between people is some strive to hurt others or are unaware versus those who wish to correct what they have wrongly done. This temporary strength is like a high, it's addictive.

3. Do you think it’s possible to make a bully understand other people’s feelings? Why or why not?
Yes, I believe that it is easily possible to make them understand. That doesn't mean that you can make them Cate about others or what they feel. To understand a person's feelings is quite simple actually, our generation has gotten exceptionally good at placing ourselves mentally in another's situation. 

4. How do adults in your school or community address bullying? Have you seen adults look the other way?
In my school and community I have seen many adults look away, especially in my school since it is such a small social sphere. The atmosphere, they believe, will address any problems that may arise (such as bullying). There has been a change in this in the past few years. Certain teachers or figures of authority will take a stance. The truth is that it is rarely enforced to the extent it needs to be or for a long enough duration to make an impact. 

5. What kind of interventions can young people use to prevent or stop bullying? List three things you could do to defuse a bullying situation.
There are 3 types of ways to defuse the situation. One may either take a direct approach while the bullying is going on, alert an adult and stay out of said situation, or after a scene of bullying meet and acquaint oneself with the person being bullied. All three of these things can change the expected outcome, just depending on what exactly is going on. 

6. Do you think you’ve ever bullied someone? if so, what made you stop? What made you want to bully someone again?
Yes, of course I have bullied someone. We are human, we have a natural incline toward it. In my case I just don't think about other's feelings or the results of my actions. I keep in mind thoughts that will hurt others and make mental notes of  what I can no longer say and do as well  as what I can say to make a person's day brighter.

7. Did any of the facts in the quiz concern you personally? Which ones?
Personally, I am concerned with #4. When reviewing my experience in high school I noticed that  our school is modest in the amount of violence the occurs, yet the lack if watchful eye is discouraging.. yet I have absolutely no idea how to encourage those older than me to get involved with what they see, not only discipline but also with those that have been hurt over and over.

8. After taking the quiz, are there behaviors or experiences you have had that you want to change? Describe your feelings, what you might want to change, and how you could go about making that change.
Yes, I know that my selfishness is a behavior I need to rid myself of, in addition to rudeness and most of all, sarcasm. It is unnecessary and causes pain that cannot be taken back. I feel guilty afterward and I know that it is not how God wishes for me to treat my brotherers and sisters. To do so I must put in a lot of effort, meaning it won't be a sudden change, rather a goal that is always changing and increasing.


Feel free to comment about my answers or post you own responses.
Love,
Shannon

"There aren't any bullies here."

This lie bothers me so much. This is a true story I am about to share, that happened not so long ago...

In chapel, one student spoke about the bullies that are at our school briefly, followed by a student reflecting on her past experiences with bullies, along with family and forgiveness. To me, it was heartbreaking. She spoke with such fear and pain in her words that I could see how deeply cut they had left her. A fellow student then took the opportunity to...'revoke' what they had shared.
"There aren't any bullies here." he laughed off with a smile. Was he seriously saying that?
"Oh, I think there are." I quietly said, still focused on the second speakers words and the passion with which she spoke.
His face went blank, he lost all hints of lightness in his tone. "What?" but he quickly regained them, "I guess I'm one of them then." his laugh came back and all seriousness left as quickly as it arrived.

Why did that conversation stick with me as strongly as it did? Still to this day I'm trying to figure out why the lack of recognition of reality bothers me so much. A month or so after our conversation, if you could call it that, this incident occurred...

A friend of mine came to me, telling me that she was in need of help. She knew a girl, she wouldn't tell me who, that was being bullied. This girl had said she was being picked on, verbally abused, and socially outcast.

This type of situation bothers me greatly; when you see someone who looks sad, they are all alone, and don't seem to be enjoying life, why are none of my Christian brothers and sisters going out and greeting them with the love of the Lord? I have to admit there are times that I will walk past someone the Lord is pulling me to, but not a single person will even try? Thank you to my friend who is trying to make it right in that girl's life. To those of you who are Christian, or even to those who have a moral compass, who care about other people, I want all of us to get out there and try this. Just go up to someone you have never met before, try to genuinely become friends, and if they react badly just remind them they can always go to you in times of need.

Thank you for allowing me to put my story out there, I love every single one of you reading this (more than you probably will believe).
Shannon

The Dartboard Effect

People are dartboards.

We throw sharp words at others. We need the get out our anger, throw darts to express our pain, we need to release the demon built up inside us. Or we could just be having fun with friends, not even noticing how much damage we are causing to the little piece of helpless cork. That's the thing, a dartboard is made of cork. Once you hit the board, that mark is left forever, you can't take it back. You can pull the dart out, but the evidence of the throw is still there. Once the board has enough holes you move on tho another, who cares? It's just a dartboard right?

Bullies aim, fire, and hit. Over and over and over, the marks increase and the person is less and less valuable in their own eyes. Their condition mentally degrades, most people will feel less and less usable and wanted or even needed as verbal or physical wounds are created. You can choose not to throw the dart at all. That is all up to to the one who holds the dart. Like I have said previously we all have the ability to chuck the darts, because we have an unlimited supply. It's a game we don't have to play.

You can't help who is playing the game, but you can change the amount of darts thrown at you. Did you know you have the power to make darts miss? When a person throws a dart in a game they will never say they are to blame. Something distracted them, the wind took control, or the dart was faulty. If you aren't being bullied you are supposed to be the reason that someone needs to make those excuses. You are there for the person in need and therefore the darts can't hit. If you are being bullied you can keep the darts off too. Don't let them stick, don't listen to harsh words and take them to heart, that isn't you, it's what others want you to be for their enjoyment. Be the one that no one even aims at because there is something about it that 'no one can hit it'.

Most don't know this, but dartboards can be repaired. It takes time and careful work, love and genuine appreciation from others, but it can be done. One day can start the seal of long-aged wounds. The actual hurt will always be there, but you can keep going. You aren't broken. A fresh set of colors and you can't even tell that something was ever wrong.You don't have to worry about others looking at you specially for damage others have caused you. Let them look at you how you want to be seen, wonderful, important, loving, because you are those things.

I would love feedback on my blog, my postings, and bullying in general. If you have a story you can send it to me, or if you just want my advice I am here as well. I'm not credentialed or specially trained but sometimes it's just the people who really care that can help the most.
I love each and every one of you reading this and all the ones who aren't too. I love you more than words can mean. Thank you for taking your time to read this blog, have a wonderful day, and if it's not so wonderful just (trust me here) shake it out. Arms, legs, body, the whole deal. Just get a glass of water and keep going.
Love, Shannon

Social Drain: The Similarity Between Men and Women

I am a girl, but honestly I don't believe ladies have it any harder than gentleman. My conclusion comes from people watching, when I'm out in places I like to look busy and just listen to people and watch their actions, purposely. I have seen girls who are scared, confused, who are lost in a sea of sadness. This also is true of men; they put on a face, but if you truly look, you see their doubt and fear. Have you ever looked at people, really looked at their facial expressions, how they change when they stop talking to someone, or how they have that one brief second where the mask comes off and you can see what they feel?

That being said, I don't believe even for a second the burdens are the same. Men carry around a burden of being perfect; women, being better than the next woman. For a guy, a foundation has been laid through movies and other media alike to be prince charming, strong, brave, tough, no weakness. Women are allowed to cry,complain, even be scared, as long as they have something about them that increases their desirability while doing so. Society has set a pattern in which both genders must follow, patterns unconformable, yet strictly enforced by bullies.

In school, a boy will face pressures to be wanted by others. This does not always mean he is trained to act kind, caring, strong, or brave. He is just supposed to be able to not allow weakness. If he can't do that, he is excommunicated and picked on. No one benefits, rarely does that increase the strength of the victim, and never does it make the boys picking on him more charming, or even less weak.

This applies for girls as well. Girls will change constantly during a year as to keep outdoing other girls. Her hair, clothing, speech, thoughts will always depend on what others are seeking for. No one wins! It's a cycle of who can fake it better. I ask myself why this happens all the time, then I look at my life and I find myself doing it too, even without other's comments. Awareness is 100% my number one problem.

This may not stick out to you as directly linking with bullies, yet think of who points out your flaws when the pattern isn't perfect. When it isn't a 'I want to help you because I love you', but rather an 'I'm better than you and I'm pointing it out". Society demands balance, either everyone accepts perfection, or everyone allows their flaws recognition and kind aid. Both exist in the world, but perfection weighs more on the scales of life. We are pulled to perfection because it is addictive if we can master it's perception, but it still is just face paint, the mask can be removed.

We cannot fit societies desires! If only people would stop caring and just be themselves, the best they can be, the world would be stable. Don't believe me? Gentlemen, your goal is unachievable. You must be perfect, go ahead try, let's see how far you can get before you have a mental breakdown. Ladies, your goal always changes, you can never stop working. You are going to wear yourself to the bone, you will run out of energy, like most women actually do. Yet it must be a conscious choice to let yourself be free, it presents itself as one of the most backward ideas to our day, which makes it extremely difficult. It. Is. Possible.
Love to you all,
Shannon